and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
