If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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