All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
