so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
