we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
