I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
