plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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