We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I will be naked everywhere
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
