If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
