I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
