just come out here and I will go home with you...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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