I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
