My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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