You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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