the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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