Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
