I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
