I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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