you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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