I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
