i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
