Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
