considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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