this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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