Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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