marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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