I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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