I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
