I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
