we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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