Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
