I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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