I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
