Will you blow on my dice?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
