seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
