I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
