sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
