Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
