Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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