508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I cut my penus on the lid.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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