I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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