Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she was so not down for the gang bang
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
