the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
