I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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