So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
