Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
