i may or may not be watching the land before time
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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