I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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