im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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