Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
so much tequila, so little girl.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
