$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
