I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
