I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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