i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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