I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
