My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
